Hot Flashes –The Situation Room

By Sue Langenberg

They often refer to an official Situation Room at the White House. No one ever describes it, but it seems a room where important figures gather to consider important issues that are important to all. It is all timely and important.

I imagine the room to be most austere. There are likely stiff-backed chairs along the wall that no one has actually sat in since Grover Cleveland. A long table, about the size of an average cruise ship, is probably at the center of the room with perhaps a couple chandeliers overhead. I doubt that the wallpaper is anything but delicate rows of important things and the décor, Modern Important. These days, there is probably a technology visual to aid the important stuff.

Glover Cleveland must be spinning in his grave.

Situation Rooms that I am more familiar with are those in all of our houses. At one time or another, every room has been a situation room, equally important to our national cause, though we are the only ones to take note. The kitchen is the main Situation Room. From it also come timely and important issues like, “what’s for supper? (grunt).”

The kitchen is usually not big enough and in need of updating. People are nonetheless drawn to it in droves because on holidays there is always a lively crowd standing directly in front of the refrigerator during preparations. There is never enough functioning counter space as well as storage space. Sound effects, besides rhythmic chops, bubbling pots and toasting revelers in front of the refrigerator also might include the periodic slurps from the dog’s water bowl.

The living room has always been a situation room. It may contain the likes of casual socializing and pleasantries all around. In it, plants thrive, sunlight pours in and glass-framed child art graces the walls. In my house the carpeting contains an archive of pet stains throughout the years. The situation was dire at the time with all kinds of shouts and distaste, but we all recovered. I think even Grover Cleveland would understand that.

The dining room has always been a positive situation room. The chairs have certainly been used, the table not as long, but long enough to, “please pass the gravy,” and various other important commands like, “eat your vegetables,” to a grandchild. The photo albums have contained a different arrangement of faces. The faces that remain constant each year have chins that gradually fall. A new child pops up here and there each year, as well as a boyfriend or girlfriend that might disappear.

If there is a den or family room, it’s a new situation these days. There might be a book shelf or knitting next to the couch, but the new situation is the computer with all its plethora of wires that collect dust. A visiting grandson or so has the video bonking and zonking with bulged eyes all around. If one too many grownups are around, the situation calls for, “turn down the volume,” every five minutes.

Grover Cleveland is spinning again.

The bedrooms are their own situation rooms. They are where alarms go off, teenagers oversleep, laundry is manufactured and clean clothes come back, though no one is really quite sure where they come from. The beds may or may not be made, depending on what generation sleeps in them. There are snores, sneezes and blowing noses.

By far, the most important Situation Room in every house is the bathroom. It’s a crisis and of utmost importance, especially if it happens to be occupied at that very moment. Grover Cleveland would certainly understand that.